Raison d’être
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I’ve been on my own now for nearly a week. My family have packed up and gone on their holidays and on Saturday I’ll be doing the same. Life is manic, work is manic. There are a trillion things to be done and only a handful of moments to do them in. I’m no mathematician, but even I know that the odds are against me on that one.
The politic of self is too prevalent in our world. We’re led to believe that true happiness lies in understanding what we want and going hell for leather after that dream. People put off having a family later and later. Those of us that shift our butts in and out of the corporate world on a daily basis are seen as slaves to a cause. A cause that is not, has never been and will never be ours. We are the dupes, the losers, the muppets.
Spending so much time on my own makes me sad. It makes me a little depressed. It is hard coming home to an empty house after a day at work. Not necessarily because I want to talk about work, not necessarily because I want to hear about other people’s days. But because there is no reminder of the reasons for which I do what I do. A long, long time ago I sat in a bar drinking very cheap brandy. I was a psychology student and with me was my best friend and fellow student. As we drank we talked. We talked about whether it was possible to truly carry out a selfless act. We ended up determining it wasn’t. The brandy based theory being that every act was ultimately driven by the desire to do the right thing and to be seen to be doing the right thing. Therefore, this was not selfless, it was essentially selfish.
I’m not sure whether that was right or wrong. I’m no great philosopher and I don’t have enough alcohol to hand to recreate the experiment. What I do know, though, is that if you believe that you are the most important person, if there is no other in your life then you are poorer. Whether it is your kids, your parents, your siblings, your partner or your pet. Being for others is an important part of the human psyche. Being for yourself is not part of the genetic make up of the human.
I could be watching sport on a 24 hour loop right now, I could be indulging in films, listening to music, I could stay up all night and party. Ok, that last one is an exaggeration, I could maybe make midnight with a lot of Pro Plus and Red Bull. But all I really want to do is see my kids, see my partner and help. Cook for them, care for them, be there for them.
Everyone needs someone more important than them. If you don’t agree…..you’re the dupe my friend……not me.
My Hell is Other People 
What a wuss!
Actually I’m one too. I can’t be doing with my own company too much, and would happily force myself on someone’s company, rather than sit on my own.
On my own, the demons come out, and I think nasty malevolent thoughts. Then the brandy kicks in, and I get maudlin. It’s about that time, that I decide I’ll a brilliant blog article that will set the world to rights.
I see I’m not alone.
SO – time for a re-brand given the epiphany that your Hell may not be “all” other people after all?
When you get back from your hols, for purposes of research and blog material, I propose we recreate the cheap brandy experiment in a controlled enviroment. there are plenty of such controlled enviroments close to us that we keep threatening to meet in.
lets do it when you get back!
Great post and have a good break. Complain about the heat, get sand in your sandwiches and use plenty of factor 50 while moaning that it is not like home. reality is, home is wherever your familly and love ones are.
Have a good one!
I agree, basically, dear HRD.
But there is such a thing as balance.
It is balanced to like some time on your own – not too much.
It is balanced to like some time with others – not too much.
If you are feeling a bit unbalanced, come and stay with me at my lovely country home, drink some of my excellent wine, be cooked for in gargantuan portions by yours truly, meet my lovely partner and family and indulge yourself in the lovely art of talking psychological shit with people who will well appreciate your unique genius.
PS my reaching out to you in your saddest and lonelist moments is purely and utterly selfish!
As I am in the same boat right now – I agree 100%.
There is no shame in needing and being needed.
Hang in there this week.
To add to your offers, you can always give me a buzz and talk about whatever you want. You’ll have to supply your own fine wine or brandy though!
Man is a social creature, we are defined by our relationships with others. Some time on your own is good (I could do with a bit at the moment) but loneliness sucks!
Aww theHRD.
Funny isn’t it, because I for a long time I always thought I was good at my own company. Probably borderline selfish on it.
But recently I realised I live for other people.
I think that’s ok.
@Stephen O’Donnell – I tend to write first thing in the morning….so no brandy is involved in the making of these posts!
@ianpbuckingham – My Hell is Somepeople doesn’t seem to have the same ring!
@recruitingunblog – Indeed, when I get back we should absolutely set something up.
@Henry – Damn, I should have written this post before the weekend…would have been there like a shot!
@Corporate Daycare – Back at ya.
@Ministry of Truth – Cheap skate!
@Charlie Duff – I think that is more than ok.