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Conversation with TheHRD

02/09/2011

[tweetmeme]

HRD: Oi dickead!

Me: …..excuse me?

HRD: You heard me arsehole…..

Me: What? What is it?

HRD: Why have you been ignoring me?

Me: I haven’t….I’ve just….been…..busy…

HRD: Busy? My bollocks. You’ve been fucking around is what you’ve been….dick!

Me: Can you stop calling me that?

HRD: Fuck off.  You need to get some focus back boy.  Do you really think anyone cares about your British bumhole ballbags? Or your whining on about your kids? You’re coming across as a complete pussy. You idiot.  People don’t give a shit about that stuff.

Me: I thought they’d gone quite well…..

HRD: That’s because your head is so far up your own arse you get butterflies when you blink. People come here to read me…..not that whining old crap.  I’m the star turn. I’m the attraction. I’m all you’ve fucking got you short-sighted fuckwit.

Me: You’re not real…so you can’t be…your just a figment of my imagination.

HRD: Oh really? So why the fuck are you having a conversation with me then you muppet?

Me: Sometimes I just want to…….do other stuff…..

HRD: ……….you total fucking plank. “Sometimes I want to do other stuff!” Haven’t you realised….it doesn’t matter what YOU want…..it is what THEY want that matters…..you’re just a performing dog…and a fucking badly trained one at that.

Me: Why are you being like this?

HRD: Give me fucking strength……..Why am I being like this????? Because YOU made me like this you spineless excuse of man……YOU!

Me: I’m not sure I like you anymore.

HRD: Of course you don’t. THAT IS THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT! You’re not supposed to like me, people don’t like me!

Me: I never intended you to be like this, that was never the idea…..but then……I suppose…..if I made you……

HRD: Fuckadoodle-do…..Finally! That’s it…..come on…..you’re starting to think again now…..come on dickwipe……!

Me: If I made you……..then surely…… I can kill you…………?

HRD: BINGO! We have a winner…………..there’s only one problem though isn’t there shithead?

Me:…….?

HRD: YOU. HAVEN’T. GOT. THE. FUCKING. BALLS……..

8 Comments leave one →
  1. MegP permalink
    02/09/2011 09:42

    Ooer, I’m a bit scared. This reminds me of when the nice old man in Doctor Who started wobbling and shaking and we heard the voices in his head and then the rather wonderful John Simms exploded out of him and we welcomed The Master back into our lives.

  2. garethmjones permalink
    02/09/2011 13:53

    If the HRD is killed off then i forsee a whole range of interesting possiblities:

    “who killed theHRD?” – a national, nay global, hunt for the man who killed him off – can we unmask the HRD and his creator??!

    The book – TheHRD memoirs: HR fuckwittery and being bipolar

    The wake – I foresee a HUGE opportunity for a send off, don’t you?!

    But then again, life without you?? Hmmm… not sure. Let me get back to you on that one fella…

  3. 02/09/2011 14:33

    Mmm…multi-faceted or two-faced.

    I can’t imagine anyone could be as obtuse as that in real life. Oh, wait…

  4. david permalink
    02/09/2011 14:49

    We quite happily fool ourselves that status and position mean something yet suppress who we are (really). The trick is listening to the right voice…

    I happen to listen to you not because of your name or position but because of what you say.

    Fuckadoodle-do. Love it!

  5. 02/09/2011 22:59

    Gollem or Smeagol we love you anyway!

  6. Karen (Sayya26) permalink
    02/10/2011 13:58

    This is like a Gollum/Smeagol moment indeed….btw- are we still donating to charity every time we cuss? 🙂

  7. david permalink
    02/10/2011 14:53

    Bollix forgot the cuss rule… caught again. What’s the going rate?

  8. 02/14/2011 09:05

    @MegP – A next generation of TheHRD, I kind of like that idea…..volunteers?

    @garethmjones – Can I come to the wake? I’ll come in disguise…..

    @Stephen O’Donnell – 🙂

    @david – Thanks……’preciated.

    @HR without ticking boxes – Bless ya!

    @Karen – Damn…..I hope not….I might need to take on a second job!

    @david – I think it was a pound per word if memory serves me well…..anyone remember?

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