Creativity, like human life itself, begins in darkness

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 Last Tuesday I stopped.  You may have noticed, you may not.  I don’t really want to know……because that in itself would set into action a whole other set of neuroses.  I stopped, because I couldn’t think.  I rarely stop writing for more than a day and my presence on Twitter is even more voracious (and inane) than that.  But I couldn’t think.

I wouldn’t go as far to say it was writers block.  You have to be a writer to get that and whilst I write, I am not a writer.  In the same way I bake, but I am not a baker. I wank, but……oh well yeah….you get the point.  It just felt like there was far too much noise and not enough brain to deal with it.  So I stopped.

I wrote a post the week before called That is all.  I didn’t respond to the comments and I’m not sure why, well I think I know now.  I think it was my subconscious sending me a shot across the bows.  It worked.  I don’t plan what I am going to write.  When I wake up in the morning, 95% of the time I have no idea.  It just comes out like a spray of effluent that settles itself across my screen.  Therapeutic? Yep, probably.

But I wasn’t doing that anymore, I was forcing it.  I was making it happen.  I was starting to become a sausage machine.  I don’t like sausage machines.  Well, I like sausages, you understand.  I mean the blogs that are sausage machines.  Wednesday? Ohh it must be Whacky Wednesday!  Creativity isn’t about false concepts and self-created structures.  True creativity is messy.

And it wasn’t just the blogging.  When you add on Twitter and Facebook, the whole social media circus……well it can seem like it has become  a 24/7 performance.  And there is no shortage of clowns.  Just before I stopped I said to someone that I felt like a grizzly that had just worked out it was in fact a performing bear.  The shackles weren’t real, but  they were there.

So I haven’t been on Twitter, I haven’t been blogging and I haven’t been reading blogs.  I’ve just been normal. (OK, I was on Facebook a little, but I needed to keep up with the ins and out and preparations for #SocRecCamp in september).  I feel refreshed, I feel new, I feel creative.  I’ve got two weeks until I go on a really, really well deserved summer holiday.  I intend to use those two weeks profitably.

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