Yes darling, I know you’re impotent……
To (almost) start the week, I give you 5 things that you think make you look important but actually prove you’re a knob:
1) Being late for meetings – OK I get it, your diary is busy because of all of those wonderfully productive meetings that you attend. I really do. Because you know what? My diary is full of them at your behest. But the difference is that I’m always there, because I respect the other poor fuckers that have proper work to do but instead have to listen to you drone on and on.
2) Carrying your Blackberry around the building with you – Please…..the business wouldn’t know if you were run over by a bus, well ok they’d be less meetings but apart from that. You don’t need to demonstrate that you have a BB…everyone has one now. What’s that you say? Me? Yeah I’m always holding on to my phone…but that is because I’m tweeting what a cock you are.
3) Telling me how busy you are – Look around you, can you see anyone who isn’t busy? And you know what? They are mostly busy dealing with the last lot of crap that you caused through your ineffective presence on this earth. And if you really are that busy…then how come you have time to blather on to me about how busy you are? I know I don’t.
4) Sending me pointless emails anytime between 8pm and 6am – If you want to spend the night making love to your keyboard then fine. I have a family and a taste for wine, we each plot our own course. But sending me non-important “Thanks” or “Let’s talk” emails at stupid o’clock is….well stupid! I really don’t care and nor does anyone else. And no, I won’t reply. Delete.
5) Getting your letters pp’d – If you can’t be bothered to put your name on the bottom, I can’t be bothered to read it. I know you’ve read it, I know your hand has touched it, but you can’t be arsed. Unless your name is Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Jack Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorft Senior , there is no damned excuse.