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If HR ran Christmas…..

12/14/2010

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The elves would spend their time bitching about Santa’s remuneration package and abundant holidays.

Rudolph would be pulled over on suspicion of DUI and sent for counsellling.

Gender specific toys would be forbidden. A ball and cup would be deemed provocative, never mind finding nuts in your stockings……

Fairies would be called “small ethereal people of unspecific gender orientation”.

Santa would be sent to wellbeing classes and retrained on Elf and Safety. (ok…shit joke)

God would rest “ye merry gentle people”. And the three kings would be one king, one queen and a eunuch.

Charades would require a competency based assessment system, linked to a 360 and feeding into a chocolate reward strategy.

Snow men would not be exclusively white, nor male.

And sprouts would be compulsory,

Just because……

But they still wouldn’t get a seat at the top table!

12 Comments leave one →
  1. Karen Furminger permalink
    12/14/2010 08:27

    And there wouldn’t be a naughty or nice list, probably an improvement/development needed list instead. And it wouldn’t be published for data protection purposes.

  2. em_vernon permalink
    12/14/2010 08:29

    Great post but don’t forget the disciplinary for Father Christmas having had the world and his mother sat on his lap this month 😉

  3. BJH permalink
    12/14/2010 09:51

    Brilliant! Reminded me of the email that did the rounds some years back about the HR person trying to organise the annual festive party: http://www.evula.com/jokes/office_xmas_party.html.

  4. 12/14/2010 12:07

    Ha! One of your finest.

  5. 12/14/2010 15:39

    hee hee… Elf & Safety…

  6. Robin Schooling permalink
    12/14/2010 16:26

    And there would be no budget to use for the purchase of Christmas giftts. Because HR doesn’t do math.

  7. g-dog permalink
    12/15/2010 00:07

    And —
    should other holidays seek information, they could never confirm or comment on whether you were on the naughty list or on the nice list, just that Christmas did occur during those years and you were present;
    the elves & reindeer cannot use Santa as a reference;
    new PMD/goal forms every year for every recipient to develop the ‘naughty’ and ‘nice’ lists;
    stretch goals people – stretch goals — you better be better than you were last year or onto the naughty list!

  8. 12/15/2010 02:30

    Brilliant. Oh how I love Christmas!

  9. 12/15/2010 08:57

    @Karen Furminger – Haha…..and of course the right to appeal against whichever list you were placed on!

    @em_vernon – Indeed! Inappropariate behaviour or harassment?

    @BJH – I remember that…..classic HR joke!

    @Henry – Why thank you sir! 🙂

    @Richard Goff – And fools never………yeah scrap that! 🙂

    @Stephanie M Andrews – Noodles! Where have you been hiding? I know….rubbish joke eh?

    @Robin Schooling – Apart from headcount! And the damned elves all look the same! 🙂

    @g-dog – “they could never confirm or comment on whether you were on the naughty list or on the nice list, just that Christmas did occur during those years and you were present” – Haha….genius!

    @Damon Klotz – Thanks! I’m at risk of over egging the Christmas blogging thing here but I don’t seem to be able to stop……

  10. 01/06/2011 10:15

    Definitely one of your finest! Your blog just gets better and better.

Trackbacks

  1. – Guidelines for the Christmas Office Party Learning Consultancy Partnership (LCP) blog: management training & leadership development news

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