Who let the dogs out?
As well as being an HR ninja, father and all round international superhero I am also a dog owner. That’s right, not a dog lover, a dog owner. Dog lovers are weird people who smell a little strange and have that thousand yard stare thing going on. Dog owners are the ones that aren’t afraid to give the pooch a sly kick when they are being disruptive. See the difference?
Anyhow…..before the RSPCA come to take me away I better get to the point. So they have this thing where they say that dogs look like the owners, or their owners look like their dogs….or I guess logically both (chicken and egg moments are so not made for a Monday morning). Which got me to thinking…..if HR was a dog, what dog would it be? And then I stopped thinking that because it was too much like my favourite interview question, “if you were a biscuit what biscuit would you be?” – pause and watch the candidate’s head explode…..
Of course, it is far too simplistic to generalise…..HR is a broad church…..so here I unveil the various characters in HR…..have fun now!
Loyal, dependable and ultimately stupid, the Labrador pup of the HR world. The ability to get distracted by the sun reflecting on the wall. In time they overeat, under exercise and die of a heart attack. Because they are stupid. Did I say that already?
Or otherwise known as the Schnauzer. Think about it, take a minute……doesn’t the sound of it just fit perfectly. I tell you….by the end of the day, the next time your comp and ben guru tells you that you can’t do something that you know is eminently sensible, you’ll be thinking, “Sod off shnauzer!”. Of limited intelligence and a bit beardy weirdy…
Because everyone who owns one will tell you how loyal and lovely they are…..until they bite the head off a small defenseless person. Ok so that may be a bit over the top….they only maul you right? But they’re playing….. Oh yeah….and they’re all ugly too…..but so would you be if you had to kiss arse all day…..(that is the recruiters….not the pit bulls).
I kid you not…..these dogs are vicious….you think the pit bull is scary?…..get a look at this bad boy…. The Papillon one of the most intelligent dogs, but with an attitude that sucks big time. Now can you just run me that report? Ok,……..run away! Because you systems guys…..we know that you do weird things at night when the rest of us are asleep…..like beating up grannies and stuff…..
Hardworking, loyal, incredibly intelligent and damned good-looking to boot. The HR generalist is, in an understated way, the king of dogs. Balanced perfection and boundless energy. But with a track record of worrying sheep…..still we all have our peccadilloes…..
So there you have it, the career may be a total dog….but at least we have variety…..and that my friends is the spice of life.