Generation XY
I like to think I’m a bit of a new man. You know, in touch with my inner soft furnishings. I don’t just watch films about war and I’ve been to a musical. I can cook and get a lump in my throat watching Watership Down.
So much so, it seems that I could be mistaken for a woman.
This has happened to me once before when, in a bar in France, a lady who had consumed enough Pastis to intoxicate the entire Foreign Legion from behind a dune, tapped me on the shoulder and in a gravelly voice borne of smoking Gaulloises since the cradle, enquired, “mademoiselle?”.
That relationship never had a future………
More recently it has happened in the blogosphere, which doesn’t really surprise me as a lot of HR people are women a lot of bloggers are women…so combine the two and Bob’s your Auntie.
Anyway, it made me wonder this.
If we put aside the arguments about whether HR as a profession is any good or not for the moment and accept the stereotypes given to it (remember: we are as other people see us).
Is HR viewed as being un-commercial and ineffective because there are more women in it?
Or are women attracted to HR because its appeal is being less hard edged and commercial and more intuitive?
And is the only way to change the perceptions of HR to recruit more men and change its modus operandi?
Idiot questions and suitable punishments
I it just me or are we inundated in HR with idiot questions?
Sometimes it feel as if the whole of the organisation has some form of “business tourettes” brought on by being in the HR department.
“Can you tell me how much holiday I’ve taken?”
No, but I can tell you how much I’ve taken. Because I have a brain.
“I want to make a complaint against my manager, but I don’t want them to know. Is that ok?”
Yeah…..I want to punch you but I don’t want you to know. Close your eyes?
I’m thinking that we should have some sort of fining system going on. A 5% deduction in monthly earnings for every 5 minutes of my life that you waste. Or maybe bring back happy slapping or sumo wrestling?
Tell me I’m not alone….tell me this pain is shared?
Where only the brave dare tread….
My name is the HRD. I am a white, middle class male (I’m not middle aged, but fast approaching). I therefore am part of one of the most discriminated against groups in western society.
Eh?
No really.
It’s pretty simple. Consider this.
1) When it comes to health. Take two cancers. Both have about the same level of occurrence. Both have about the same mortality rate. The only difference? One occurs in women only. One in men. Surely it’s hard then to explain then why government investment in breast cancer far outstrips that of prostate cancer?
2) In affairs of the heart. My wife has an affair. She leaves me. Of course the weight of law is that she will gain custody of the children, the house and a large proportion of my salary for the forthcoming years. Is this because of my behaviour, because I am not as good a carer? Or because I am male.
3) In the workplace. I can’t be promoted or moved into positions of superiority because…well because I am a white middle class male. And that would be discriminatory to promote me. Lets find someone else, someone less…stereotypical.
4) At home, I need to be able to cook and clean, to raise the children, to express my emotions, to be in touch with myself. But come the moment when something really heavy needs lifting, when the electrics go kaput, when there is water coming through the ceiling. Who you gonna call?
My name is the HRD. I am a white middle class male.
Pity me?
Psychobollocks
Test, test, test. We don’t know what we’re doing so, I know, lets use some spurious test to give us some semblance of a measured process and then just come up with the conclusion we had in the first place.
I hate tests and I hate testing. Lets face it t he purveyors of these things are really the modern day Soothsayers. Selling predictions based on some old bunch of weed, the size of your arse and the direction of the prevailing wind.
And I know the challenge will come back, “when they are used properly they can be informative as an addition to other means of assessment” (God, did I really just write that?) but so can graphology. Not that I hear anyone chanting for that apart from the French and lets face it, they still have two hour lunch breaks, 6 months holiday and call everyone Mr and Mrs in the workplace.
I’m yet to be convinced there is any better means for recruitment or development than sitting down and having a conversation. Asking questions and listening. Talking, exploring and getting to know the person. Sure sometimes I will use a few scenario based questions to give the person something to discuss, but tests? Nope.
I have never taken MBTI, Belbin, FiroB etc.etc. Although I have worked in companies that used them regularly. Quite frankly I never understood the point. What was it going to tell me about myself that I didn’t know already? And if I didn’t know it, was I going to accept it because it was on a piece of paper?
I think not.
I am what I am
It’s been brought to my attention that my last few posts may have sounded somewhat….well…..angry.
Fugly is NOT the new black
Last night was pleasant enough. I was at some HR do, for HR bods, doing HR things in their HR worlds. It was over a glass of passable white wine served in a somewhat chunky tumbler and some Mexican things (I’m never sure what they exactly are – just seems to be the same stuff folded in a variety of different ways) that the conversation took a turn.
I was bemoaning the fact that I was struggling to find a decent PA…..
“and they’re all crap and even the ones that aren’t that crap, well they’re…..kind of…..not so…….umm……well they’re ugly…….”
And in that moment, there it was……..my secret was out.
Yes it’s true. Given the choice between two equally skilled candidates, I will choose the one I find less ugly over the other one. I don’t choose JUST based on looks. I would never preclude someone just because of their looks.
Actually, I tell a lie. If you look like the gorilla that fell out of the ugly tree hitting every branch on the way down, you are either going to have to be married to the finest purveyor of cheese in the whole of France or have created a means of turning water into wine if you want darken my door.
I’m open and honest about this. I just want my office space to look tidy. And quite frankly ugly people….well they just clutter up the place and make it look a mess.
PLUS and this is a big plus……when you work in HR you need to be making an immediate impact. Our jobs are hard enough as it is influencing and cajoling people. If they can’t get beyond the size of your conk (that’s conk with an N), or see daylight because your ears are covering the windows….well they are hardly going to listen to your strategy for talent management.
It’s fair to say that I got taken to task on this. I am apparently a “contentious bastard” (I’m sure she loves me really!) and am “missing out on a whole host of talent”. Ugly talent I should add……
My view? I’m just honest about my prejudices. Everyone chooses people that they find attractive. That’s just the way we are.
And as far as I can see discriminating against the ugly is not yet illegal. So, if you are the bearded women, don’t come to me for a job. Move along dear, the Freak Show is just down the street.
The sound of steam being let off
I was writing something else to post, but then quite frankly something/one has got under my skin and I need to expunge this from my system through pushing it out into the blogosphere. What follows is not pretty and has been rated an 18 by the BBFC…..I apologise.
“You know what?
I don’t have the answers. Sometimes I don’t know. I am not the all seeing, all hearing fucking uber oracle that’s sat here waiting to provide you all with calm, peaceful resolutions to your otherwise unimportant and shitty little lives. Sometimes I just don’t know.
I have a brain and I have inner resources and both of these can become minimised, clogged up and filled with the pointless crap you wrongly feel is important. If it’s that important to you…….do it your fucking self……..
There are levels to which I can remain calm, focused, non-judgmental and rational in the face of all the irrationality, noise, and quite frankly total fucking madness that you people project.
I am just skin and bones. I am human.
So take your issues and your problems and your whines and your moans and shove them so far up your sphincter that when you look in the mirror you see Ja Ja Binks staring right back at you.
Shove it…….I’m off for a lie down”
Overleaping the mark
Yep, its a recession and I know that everyone is trying to find ways of making their next buck.
I’m a great believer in ingenuity, in entrepreneurial flair, in people going the extra mile.
But there is the extra mile and there is too far. Way too far………
This little beauty came into my sweaty little hands from a friend who had received it at work.
The names have been removed to protect the innocent……
N.B. I should add that this was a genuine pitch by the individual involved
PA(h)!
I took time out of my union activities yesterday to try and recruit myself a new PA. As previously noted, I hate recruitment. Having an attention span of somewhere south of 30 seconds and being remarkably judgmental means that normally before the person even sits down I have put them in the yes or no camp.
That said, yesterday I was recruiting with other members of my team and therefore felt I needed to be a little more professional than the norm….say, maybe waiting a minute before making a judgment. But hey, why bother when the pool of applicants is so ridiculously poor that like lemmings that do the honourable thing and commit career hari-kiri in front of your eyes…..
So in tribute to the little darlings, here are my top tips on things not likely to get you a job.
1) If the dates are wrong on your CV, then change them. Do NOT walk into the interview and when questioned say, “yeah that’s wrong”.
2) “I didn’t realise the building was so close to the road” is not meaningful small talk. This is London. Show me a building that isn’t close to the road not lived in by royalty.
3) If the role is for a PA, you kind of guess that spelling and grammar might be important. You did not use to order the “stationary”…trust me….you didn’t.
4) You will be asked the question, “why do you want this job?” It’s not a trick question. It’s not there to catch you out. It’s simple…..think it through beforehand. Lie. Do anything but sit there like Bambi in the crosshairs.
5) When completing an in tray exercise, try not to suggest prioritising the activity needing completion before midday, before the one needing completion before 9.30. If you do…..fess up. Don’t try and justify it…..really…..don’t……please…..
I could go on, but the depression is soaking through every pore in my body. Needless to say we didn’t offer. Anyone want a job?
My Hell is Other People 
