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Pretty Vacant

05/12/2010

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This social media stuff is all about networking?  Well I want to let you in on an exclusive opportunity…..the opportunity……to work for me.

Yep, that’s right…..I’m recruiting, for my number 2.

On the positive side, the pay and rations are pretty good (package c.£100k), its London-based and the people are all completely mad and so have no idea whether you are competent or not……and of course you get to work with me.

On the downside…..umm…….you get to work with me…..

What am I looking for?

– Someone who doesn’t take HR too seriously but at the same time has a drive and passion for changing things

– Someone who can look at the world in a slightly different way and doesn’t believe in HR bollocks

– Someone with a broad generalist background and the ability to turn their hand to anything

– Someone with the potential to be a true HR  ninja and lead a team of mini-wouldbe-ninjas onto bigger and better things

– Someone who is not worried about bad language and the occasional hissy fit

And perhaps most importantly,

– Someone to take the blame when things go wrong

Ok, the last one isn’t true….unless its your fault and the hell yeah you take the blame…..own the pain…..I could go on….

Obviously I will need to interview you in a mask (me not you, pervert!) or a dark room.  And then make you sign an NDA, or kill you. But it has to be worth it right?  Just for the opportunity?

If you’re not put off yet and you tick some or all of the above boxes….or hell, you just want to make a left field pitch that will take my interest, then get in contact….what are you waiting for?

13 Comments leave one →
  1. g-dog permalink
    05/12/2010 12:27

    Hells yes! Pick me, pick me. I am sure relocation costs are covered!

  2. 05/12/2010 12:34

    Hm. I’m not in HR per se, but the £100k appeals. I can spout on about Social Media until the sun goes down – does this qualify me?

  3. Wendy Jacob permalink
    05/12/2010 12:36

    I’m not in any way qualified, but I swear a lot and it sounds like fun, so…?!

  4. lenamaurer permalink
    05/12/2010 12:59

    oh, oh, oh!!! Pick me!!! I am completely unqualified… but… I sing while I work? And can feed you any kind of food you fancy! And I can swear in many languages… 🙂

  5. 05/12/2010 14:48

    Shit HRD, I’m your candidate!

    No direct HR experience, but between yours & other blogs such as PRHR, I’ve been catching up! I’m hot about corporate strategy/planning, which ideally involves exposure to all facets of business anyway.

    Lived everywhere + over-educated + broad generalist background = hella fresh/different perspective + bloody thick skin.
    Can squeeze blood from stone = can ferret out value in the daily grind, not just via newfangled “initiatives”.

    Bottom line, I can kick ass, take names & use Bollocks as appropriate. Real question is, how you’re going to live with yourself without @least interviewing me. 😉

    Seriously.

  6. The Engaging Engager permalink
    05/12/2010 16:10

    What a nest of “toadies”! Perfect candidates for the devil’s locker. Interview them all at the selection centre using the vocational language of double speak then throw them into the naked assault course built on flinty ground followed by the tar then feather pits; make them run the downsizing team briefing and conclude with the game of death by musical chairs with the winner getting to collect the cheque and turn out the lights……….All great job experience if nothing else.

  7. Corporate Daycare permalink
    05/12/2010 16:20

    Questions:

    1- Can I work from home? Home being Canada.
    2 – Do I have to do recruiting? I @#$# hate recruiting.
    3- Can I wear a mask to the interview? 😉

  8. 05/13/2010 07:32

    @g-dog – Yeah…..by bus. Better leave now!

    @Cal – You got the job

    @Wendy Jacob – No you got the job. You’re better looking than Cal….second thoughts, maybe not….you are from Bedford…..your judgment must be skewed…..

    @lenamaurer – You almost got it on the food and the swearing, but you’re a workaholic….you’ll make me look bad…

    @geekette – “I can kick ass, take names & use Bollocks as appropriate” Genius!!

    @The Engaging Engager – Had a bad day? I’m liking the cut of your jib…..

    @Corporate Daycare – Seeing as you know I hate recruitment…..yes you bloody well would have to do it! Jeez……

  9. 05/13/2010 07:57

    Call me.

    I may just know someone.

  10. @leeburman permalink
    05/13/2010 09:14

    Please please please can you post this on a job board, the masses would have a heart-attack….

    Very good post HRD, hope you find someone equally as hostile/mad/foul-mouthed/ninja-tastic

  11. 05/13/2010 14:52

    Will I have to clean your toilet and do recruiting?

  12. g-dog permalink
    05/14/2010 00:51

    So I should be getting my formal offer letter any day now. Looking forward to working for you and the evil overlords..

  13. 05/14/2010 07:35

    @Henry – Sure, I’ll give you a call

    @leeburman – That would be quite fun……you’ve actually just given me an idea…..

    @Peter Gold – The toilet job is taken….but recruitment is anyone’s who’ll take it the hell away from me!

    @g-dog – See you soon!

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