It’s over……
I’m sorry to break it to you, but unfortunately I have been having some relationship issues.
It all came to a head yesterday in a pretty difficult conversation. And, I guess it turns out that maybe we are just incompatible after all.
Over time we’ve tried, we really have. Well, I’ve tried – I’m not being bitter it’s the truth!
But there are too many things that get in the way:
I believe in support and doing the right thing. She just niggles at the detail and picks at inaccuracies.
I believe rules are there to be broken. She thinks I am wayward and uncontrollable.
I make decisions and act on them. She thinks she should be consulted on everything.
I want to plan for the future. She just takes a day at a time.
So yesterday we sat down and poured out our hearts. She told me how she felt I told her how I felt. It was emotional but I think it’s for the best. I think we will still stay in touch, but friends? That’s a step too far.
Payroll and I? We were never going to make it.
It’s naughty time….
The naughty boy is back, oh yes he is.
You may remember that we had a naughty situation that I wrote about before, which led to disciplinary action after a long and tortuous conversation with the CEO. Last week it was roosting time at the turkey ranch.
I get a call from the naughty boy he wants to see me “off the record”. Now one – my door is always open, but two – there is no such thing as off the record. Not with naughty boys.
He comes and sits and tells me that his position has become untenable, that he can’t see anyway back and…..that he wants to come to an amicable arrangement. He continues to make his case. At the end I ask him, “are you saying that you are going to resign and claim constructive dismissal?” he answers that he wants to part amicably.
Now the issue here is that we don’t really want the old duffer to go. He has value, he has a contribution to make. He has just been a very naughty boy. And we certainly don’t want to pay him to go….that’s just counter intuitive.
I go back and tell him we want to work with him to rectify his behaviours, to facilitate a good working relationship.
The email I receive over the weekend is something to behold. The demand is we agree to …..remove the warning and pay him £100k to leave, by midday……OR……he is going to make a few calls and look for a new job.
Pause. Read that again. Look for the flaw in the negotiation strategy……Find it?
Oh Buddha……..he copied in CEO…….
URGENT Recruitment breakthrough!
There have been a number of posts on HR blogs recently about recruitment techniques, recruitment technology and poor quality CVs.
Then I read this.
It appears we are all being duped and have no successful way of attracting, measuring or selecting.
So I am calling on all my fellow HR and business colleagues to stop what you are doing today and introduce sumo suit wrestling as the only reliable and flawless way of selecting….winner stays on!
Alternatives?
Wading through treacle
Let me be clear upfront. I hate recruitment. I hate people. Therefore I hate recruiting people. Actually that’s not entirely true, I love interviewing great people and bouncing around ideas when there is a spark, intelligence and a passion. I hate the crap that you have to go through to get there in the first place.
At the moment we are recruiting for my team. We have a mid-range HR Manager role, managing a small team and paying £50k (c.$83k) it’s a good company with good benefits, healthcare, pension, discounts, 25 days holiday, profit share. We should be recruiting good people. We put this on a well known HR recruitment website.
Foolishly I asked my PA to print me the CVs so that I can “test the calibre and see who’s out there”. My team have just come to check that I am ok as the laughter has been spilling out of my office. There are a number of observations to be made,
1) HR people are no better at CVs than the rest of the world, in fact they’re worse
2) There’s a lot of dross out there desperately trying to get a job
3) There’s a lot of financial services people out there desperately trying to get a job
Now on this last point, we are not an FS company, we are totally different. But ranting about your successes in HR at Lehman Bros that made a commercial difference……..You are the Weakest Link….Goodbye!
So despite the complete lack of professionalism, here are some of my favourites.
“With a strong track record of leveraging people and the organisation through making use of such tools as lean thinking/six sigma, change management, project management and building and maintaining relationships.” – And the ability to speak without breathing by the sounds of it
“A HR professional with a record of bringing a strong business focus and analytical thinking style to conceptualise and lead business-linked HR initiatives” – I was with you for the first half and then……
And then listed under key skills,
Typing speed 45wpm. Microsoft Office skills – This is an HR Manager role ffs
First HR nominee to receive 2 nominations for a staff star award – But did you get a Blue Peter badge?
Ability to work as part of an interview panel – Uhhhhhhhh yeah……
And finally my favourite,
“I play drums and sing backing vocals on a regular basis with a covers band – weddings, PTA parties and charity fund raising events” Words fail me…..
So does anyone out there need a job?
Stand aside
Let me paint a scenario…..
An employee comes to see me. They do that sometimes as a last resort when everyone else is busy or on holiday or hiding in the cupboards. They have an issue they want to talk through.
Their boss they feel is over controlling. Wanting to know the ins and outs of their ever action and move, not allowing them to take decisions about their work, criticizing their appearance and making their life a misery. I ask for examples and we talk a little bit about a few things that have happened. The employee says they don’t know what to do they feel so stupid and are thinking of resigning and looking elsewhere.
I ask some questions.
“Do you think you should be able to make these decisions?” They reply that they do.
“Do you think that you are being unreasonable?” They reply that they are not.
“So”, I ask them, “Who do you think is at fault here?”
We talk some more and it becomes clear they are scared. They are scared of the repercussions. They are choosing the path of least resistance. They apologise when they have done nothing wrong. They allow elements of their work to be controlled, when they believe that it is wrong. They do this to take away the pain.
The pain of the picking and shouting and criticism.
Standing up is not an option they tell me, it just makes it worse. Last time they questioned him (and it could only be a him) he made their life a misery for weeks.
We talk about motives. Why he is behaving like this. Is it because he actually believes he should have the control? Is it because things are being done badly? Is it because when he is angry he just needs to kick some one?
We talk about actions and reactions. The triggers that make people behave the way they do. We talk about blame. We talk about neutrality and the ability not to automatically apologise when being shouted at. We talk about help and support. We talk about self esteem.
At the end I have mixed emotions. My natural instinct is to administer my own kind of justice on the situation. I won’t lie. And I’m not talking a nice bit of counselling and a formal process. But sometimes perhaps people need to do these things for themselves knowing that you are there for them as support.
It’s hard sometimes to stand aside, but I truly hope they know that I am there for them.
Ciao Bella
**ring, ring**
CEO: HRD, Hi. How are you? HRD: CEO……how are you…..?
CEO: Good, good. Did you see my email.
HRD: Email? One sec. Yep got it. About the car?
CEO: Yes, chap we made redundant. Wants to hold onto the car for a couple of months. I’d really like to. If thats ok?
HRD: Sure, ok. Thats cool.
CEO: …………….Really? Oh……..
HRD: Sure. I’ll get someone to make the arrangements.
CEO: Thats…..wonderful. Thank you.
HRD: CEO?
CEO: Yes.
HRD: Can I ask you a question?
CEO: ………..yes
HRD: You sound strange, different, relaxed. Where are you?
CEO: I’m away. On holiday.
HRD: Ohhh….really?……..and you phoned to ask my permission? OK well….enjoy your holiday CEO.
CEO: You too HRD, you too.
HRD: But I’m not…..
**clunk**
Be careful what you wish for…..
I’m afraid I’m going to get serious on this one…..
I’ve been spending a lot of time recently thinking about identity. Who I am, how I define myself, what is important to me? At the same time I have been having a sporadic debate with Laurie Ruettimann about the connections between work and identity.
Laurie’s view as far as I understand it is that we work for money and for no other reason. She argues that, “loving your job because it makes some kind of ’spiritual sense for you’ is not an inalienable right. It’s a luxury afforded to a privileged class of people.”
I don’t agree with this, I believe there is a greater psychological need that humans satisfy through purposeful endeavor and that work satisfies this need. And more so, that this is as much a working class need as it is a middle class need. In fact, its a base human need.
History is littered with examples of workers fighting to protect their place of employment, look at the Swan Hunter shipyard, the Rover factory and of course not forgetting the entire coal mining industry. Now I’m not saying that some of the fight wasn’t about protecting jobs and therefore pay, but it was also about identity. Communities grew up and existed around these enterprises, workers were proud to be part of them, generations of families worked together in the same location.
Then there is the research into the impact of unemployment on psychological well being. It should come as no surprise that unemployed people feel higher levels of anxiety, depression, dissatisfaction with their life, poor self-esteem, negativity regarding the future than in matched groups of employed people. This isn’t just about money, this is about self worth and sense of purpose.
I wonder whether the difference isn’t that in the past it was easier to identify with our employers. We were proud of the boats we built, the cars we made, the coal we dug. We knew what we were doing, who we were doing it for and why. We most probably also knew who our employer was. These days, with globalization our bosses could be anyone, anywhere. We produce things that we don’t understand and provide services that people don’t really need or want. We’re in a world where a banker used to be a proud honorable occupation, but these days they are scum of the earth.
And at the same time we are constantly being told that our lives need to be more enriching, we need to be in the gym, every day, socially networked up to our eyeballs, we need to be green and organic and in touch with our inner self. In turn, HR professionals (most of whom wouldn’t recognise original thought if it jumped on them from behind and pulled their eyelids down over their knees) try to create more far fetched “engagement” strategies to bridge this gap between the increasing complex desires and the increasing complex industries.
Employers’ attempts to engage employees aren’t part of some nefarious plan to mind wash people (well in most cases!) they are merely cack-handed attempts to try and explain the link between employee and employer in increasingly complex businesses and industries. I remain convinced that if you asked 100 people the simple question, “Tell me about yourself?” that over 90% would tell you about their employment within 60 seconds. And that is simply because for so many of us, work is an important part of who and what we are. And thats ok.
We work long hours and even if the lucky ones are cash rich, they are time poor. Work has always formed part of the definition of self and this is nor a bad thing. Turning it into a purely financial transaction makes us a commodity….human capital. At that is the start of a slippery slope that would suit many people with troubling views on the employment relationship.
Laurie, I respect your views, you raise some interesting points and have a lively and informative blog. But on this one you are wrong. Dangerously wrong.
Never judge a book….
A conversation today prompted me to think about the power of names. Now I know what you’re thinking, hardly an indepth critique of the Ulrich model….but I have some sort of flu….so this is about as much as I can get my head around.
Power Pointless
On the slog in on Friday morning I sat next to a lady (who I am sure is perfectly charming). She was tapping away on her laptop and in such circumstances I believe its beholden on the train neighbour (in this case yours truly) to inspect the content. Purely for academic purposes you understand.
Discipline me baby!
Its been an emotional week for a number of reasons – mostly good. One of the things thats needed doing in amongst all of this is dealing with the situation I described here. It was all going swimmingly. And then this…..


