Connecting HR – The inside story
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Ok, let’s be upfront here…..most HR people are a boring bunch of fuckers who you’d rather hop across the M1 in rush hour blindfolded, whistling the theme to “The A Team” than spend an evening with…..
I can say that, I am one. I work with them. So why in the name of Satan’s balls would I choose to spend my playtime with them? God only knows maybe it was the promise of mephedrone. But I did. On Monday night I went to the London Tweet Up. What follows are my reflections after my long and intensive session with my therapist yesterday:
1) Networking without a name or job or company is tough. I was reduced to sitting there waiting for people to talk to me – thank fuck there were nice people out there who took pity on an inarticulate bald bespectacled fool
2) A huge big up to the guys at Personnel Today….(I can’t believe I wrote that)…..let me be clear, your magazine is shit and has always been (!), but online you are starting to rock…..keep it up you journalist monkey dudes….
3) Aussie chicks have a thing for glasses and love handles……but apparently only after wine…….(Katrina Collier, you got ma number baby……..call me!)
4) A lot of HR people ARE boring twats. “I work in recruitment, what do you do?” is the equivalent of a t-shirt saying “Get your syphilis here”….”me? I bite the heads off babies and have sex with cadavers….”
5) Marital disharmony and infidelity are not appropriate topics for a tweet up….ever…..full stop….m’kay?
6) Rick is the Guardian and the Observer, I am the Sunday Sport and the Beano…and I’m ok with that…..
7) Jon Ingham and Gareth Jones are good dudes…….despite looking like a couple of creepy children’s entertainers (don’t worry guys, the panto season is soon upon us……….)
‘8) Internal Comms people rock…..but they kind of scare me….in the way that Jehovah’s do…..follow me?
9) There are a whole amount of cool HR and IC professionals out there that aren’t twats or spooky-staring-stab-you- in- the-rectum-when-you-bend-to-get-the-milk-from-the-fridge people. I would love to mention everyone that I met, but….well fuck me, I don’t remember your names….but at least one of you was damned cute…..or was that the beer?
10) We don’t do enough in the UK to support the HR blogging and tweeting community. I love my friends in the US (by which I include Canada….because essentially you are a province :)), you are bigger than us (normally in the butt area) but we need to do more here and stop looking across the pond. Jon and Gareth are making a start, but fucking get behind it idiots….lets start taking this seriously, lets start agitating, discussing, energizing, debating, rocking the world that we know. Lets start a debate that freaks the fuck out of the boring idiots that define what “HR” should be…….there is another tweet up provisionally planned for June 24, get there, connect, make your views known and for pity’s sake……stand the fuck up and be counted…..NOW!
PS. My potty mouth is back…..did you notice?
PPS. When I call you idiots…..its a term of endearment……honest!
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My Hell is Other People 
“8) Internal Comms people rock…..but they kind of scare me….in the way that Jehovah’s do…..follow me?” Good news that you think IC rocks – always thought so myself! But being scary? Not sure I do follow – care to expand on that? Or is that in itself being a bit scary? 😉
And quite right on the need to get behind blogging and tweeting – but one plea I’d make to UK HR & IC bloggers/tweeters – please be human and avoid the corporate speak/broadcast type communication – far too many of those out there right now, and a complete turn-off, destroying any chance of conversation – which is obviously what this is all about.
Looking forward to seeing further comments on this one
Are you still drunk man? Were you staggering round slurring “I really love you” to everyone? Good going – I couldn’t get a ticket!:)
Excellent insights.
Refreshing to read comments and how you have so eloquently delivered them.
It’s all about change. I like your words “lets start agitating, discussing, energizing, debating, rocking the world that we know. ”
The HR / Recruitment / JobBoard world needs some change.
Are we the ones to implement it?
What? You managed to pull too? If that’s what being the Sunday Sport does, I might change my style.
You are right about Aussie chicks. I don’t think I’ll say any more.
“stand the fuck up and be counted” Hmm. Brave words from Mr anonymous.
Please don’t take that the wrong way. I enjoyed our chat in the Square Pig on Monday – having now met you I feel qualified to say that you are a thoroughly nice chap. And you managed to change my previous pathological mistrust of anonymous bloggers and people who hide behind an avatar on Twitter. So thanks for that. Really, I mean it.
The truth is I’m jealous. Your chosen anonymity gives you a freedom of expression that most bloggers can’t enjoy unless they are filthy rich and don’t need to ever work again. You get to ignore your company’s tiresome blogging policy and even more tedious Terms of Employment. You can amuse your readers with irreverence and potty language. You can say it as you see it with no comebacks. You can even enjoy cult/celebrity status at tweetups 😉
The one thing I don’t think you can do however is “stand the fuck up and be counted”. But who cares? As a newcomer to your blog I shall without doubt be a regular, because as HR blogs go it is very very amusing.
You’ll always be TheHRD to me.
So many new commenters here – Thanks!
@Abi – Thanks for visiting and commenting. Scary? There is always just that slight far away look in the eyes! But to be fair I totally agree with your point, keep it simple and to the point….
@Aloncalcia – Welcome and thanks for commenting – I would have smuggled you in! Drunk…moi? I never touch the stuff…….
@Richard – Another welcome to you too! The only way we will change is if we do it ourselves. There are enough of us out there that are dissatisfied….we just need to turn that dissatisfaction into action!
@Rick – Do you mind! I’m a happily married man! 🙂
@Aussie HR Chick – Where have you been? I haven’t seen you around here for ages! Not since we won the Ashes……. 🙂
@Jon – Good to meet you in cyber life too! Thanks for your comment, you are right that there is a tension here between the real me and the online me. The call to arms comes from the online me, but the real me is the man of action. You’ll just have to trust me on that one! And I’ll try and keep my identity secret for as long as possible……..
@skurve – Hey there and thanks for commenting…..there is only one!
I’m here I’m here! I read every single post….but I only comment when it’s warranted. Currently deciding whether to create a blog of my own (the Australian blogs are truly lacking)…the hardest thing is coming up with a good name for it. And shush about the cricket for now….but don’t you worry, there will be more cricketing comments this season. Pup for PM!
@Aussie HR Chick – If I can be of any help, drop me an email.