Connecting HR – The inside story
Ok, let’s be upfront here…..most HR people are a boring bunch of fuckers who you’d rather hop across the M1 in rush hour blindfolded, whistling the theme to “The A Team” than spend an evening with…..
I can say that, I am one. I work with them. So why in the name of Satan’s balls would I choose to spend my playtime with them? God only knows maybe it was the promise of mephedrone. But I did. On Monday night I went to the London Tweet Up. What follows are my reflections after my long and intensive session with my therapist yesterday:
1) Networking without a name or job or company is tough. I was reduced to sitting there waiting for people to talk to me – thank fuck there were nice people out there who took pity on an inarticulate bald bespectacled fool
2) A huge big up to the guys at Personnel Today….(I can’t believe I wrote that)…..let me be clear, your magazine is shit and has always been (!), but online you are starting to rock…..keep it up you journalist monkey dudes….
3) Aussie chicks have a thing for glasses and love handles……but apparently only after wine…….(Katrina Collier, you got ma number baby……..call me!)
4) A lot of HR people ARE boring twats. “I work in recruitment, what do you do?” is the equivalent of a t-shirt saying “Get your syphilis here”….”me? I bite the heads off babies and have sex with cadavers….”
5) Marital disharmony and infidelity are not appropriate topics for a tweet up….ever…..full stop….m’kay?
‘8) Internal Comms people rock…..but they kind of scare me….in the way that Jehovah’s do…..follow me?
9) There are a whole amount of cool HR and IC professionals out there that aren’t twats or spooky-staring-stab-you- in- the-rectum-when-you-bend-to-get-the-milk-from-the-fridge people. I would love to mention everyone that I met, but….well fuck me, I don’t remember your names….but at least one of you was damned cute…..or was that the beer?
10) We don’t do enough in the UK to support the HR blogging and tweeting community. I love my friends in the US (by which I include Canada….because essentially you are a province :)), you are bigger than us (normally in the butt area) but we need to do more here and stop looking across the pond. Jon and Gareth are making a start, but fucking get behind it idiots….lets start taking this seriously, lets start agitating, discussing, energizing, debating, rocking the world that we know. Lets start a debate that freaks the fuck out of the boring idiots that define what “HR” should be…….there is another tweet up provisionally planned for June 24, get there, connect, make your views known and for pity’s sake……stand the fuck up and be counted…..NOW!
PS. My potty mouth is back…..did you notice?
PPS. When I call you idiots…..its a term of endearment……honest!