Speaking in tongues
The following are extracts from a board meeting yesterday discussing performance management and performance related pay. For those unfamiliar with the language I have added translations.
“It will just demotivate everyone” – I don’t want to tell people who aren’t performing the truth
“It will be divisive” – If I don’t tell people who aren’t performing the truth they won’t be upset
“It will be demoralising” – I actually tell everyone they are great even if they’re not
“This is putting people in boxes” – Whereas I prefer to use one big box to put everyone in
“The focus of the review will be all about the rating” – People will want to know how they are doing
“We are different” – I depend on people not knowing what goes on to create an impression of achievement
“Everyone is great” – I have no idea what people do or should be doing
“It is impossible to differentiate between them” – I have no idea what people have or haven’t done
“It is one thing in principle, but another in practice” – I am a work-shy bastard with no intention of doing anything difficult. But pay ME more?
My Hell is Other People 
I’m going to provide this handy guide to our entire team. This is pure gold sir.
An excellent article – i wish i had said it – in fact i might
well done
graham
Holy déja-vu! I think I sat throught that meeting.
You summed it up perfectly.
Excellent piece!
What about:
“Our people work hard anyway. PRP won’t make any difference.” = We’ve all got used to the same mediocre standards.
@Rick – Great addition!
@Puf – Send the royalties the usual way yes?
@Graham – Thanks and welcome. Please feel free to repeat and repeat and repeat…..
@Corporate Daycare – I didn’t see you there. I could have held them down whilst you punched them!