Speaking in tongues
The following are extracts from a board meeting yesterday discussing performance management and performance related pay. For those unfamiliar with the language I have added translations.
“It will just demotivate everyone” – I don’t want to tell people who aren’t performing the truth
“It will be divisive” – If I don’t tell people who aren’t performing the truth they won’t be upset
“It will be demoralising” – I actually tell everyone they are great even if they’re not
“This is putting people in boxes” – Whereas I prefer to use one big box to put everyone in
“The focus of the review will be all about the rating” – People will want to know how they are doing
“We are different” – I depend on people not knowing what goes on to create an impression of achievement
“Everyone is great” – I have no idea what people do or should be doing
“It is impossible to differentiate between them” – I have no idea what people have or haven’t done
“It is one thing in principle, but another in practice” – I am a work-shy bastard with no intention of doing anything difficult. But pay ME more?